i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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