i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
