OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
