We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize