I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
