just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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