she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
