fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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