She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
