Don't you send me to vm
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
