after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
