tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
