On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
