Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The uberlube is also flammable
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
