drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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