I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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