It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
