so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We are two peas in an std pod
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
