She is in my trunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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