I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
