just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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