So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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