see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
