so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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