Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
