Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
