either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
