i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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