Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my shit smells like andre
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
