my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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