All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
