I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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