my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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