I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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