I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Help. Why am I so naked?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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