I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
