I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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