yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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