At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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