I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
