I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
