can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
