I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
