dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
3 2 1 whiskey
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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