When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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