the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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