I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What a dumb baby whore.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
