I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
