Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
