apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
