I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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