I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
