What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
