What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
