all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
