Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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