it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
