I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize