you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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