I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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