they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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