I hate your face
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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