He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
