Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
