You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
