Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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