dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
