i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
