We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
