You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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