After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
