I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
