I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
