so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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