omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
