I wanna bring you to show and tell
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize