Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
love makes seman taste better
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
