dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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