Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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