OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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