did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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